| ROAD TRIP! |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|11:06 pm] |
So, today me and ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) not_in_denial started our awesome road trip so that not_in_denial can do his coming of age rituals. It would have happened in a week or two anyway, but with no job we ended up fast-tracking the trip a little!
I'd like to say that there's been some awesome roadtrippy goodness, but alas, the trip has been mostly uneventful. We didn't stop at many places (the only town we really entered at all was Albury), and mostly just stuck to the Hume, which meant we got from Melbourne to Goulburn in about 9 hours, which is a pretty phenomenal pace. I'm surprised that I'm not terribly tired right now, actually - I feel a little tired, but only about as tired as I would normally be at 11pm.
Also traveling with us is Minnie, not_in_denial's new girl. I actually specifically asked for her to come down with us, because I haven't had a lot of opportunities to spend a lot of time with her, and I'd like to get a little closer to my boy's girl (I seem to be a freak in that I have absolutely no jealousy towards her - compersion, I has it). The trip down hasn't given us a lot of time to talk, seeing as I was driving all of the way down, but I'm hoping that we'll have more chances to chat tomorrow. She's a really cute, sweet girl, and am thoroughly convinced that not_in_denial should keep her. :)
One thing I have noticed is that we seem to have almost identical iPod lists, from listening to her iPod on the way down, I seem to have a very large number of her tracks, which apparently means that I have the music taste of a teenage girl. I think I'm cool with this.
So tomorrow I pick up ![[info - personal]](http://s.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png) radicalyffe so we can take him back down to Melbourne with us, and then... Um... Not sure, really. I'm sure we'll find something to do in Goulburn. Surely there's something to do in this town. May have to go to the Kmart here and pick up a deck of cards or something...
Anyway, time to let someone else hog the broadband connection here! Later all!
This was originally posted at http://kirby1024.dreamwidth.org/123151.html |
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| I've been shamed into an update. |
[Aug. 12th, 2009|02:57 pm] |
It wasn't anything erinkyan said, oh no. It was more along the lines that his LJ had pointed out that I'd finished moving before mine did. It's a little embarrassing, let's be fair. Time to catch up at least a little bit. This is a bit rambly, so bear with me.
So! I've moved! The moving went reasonably smoothly, although it's only really finished last weekend when laza_burns dropped off the last bits and pieces. We're now slowly getting around to getting things out of boxes, and getting boxes out of the way.
We did have some slight issues when we got there, when we realised that the back door didn't lock, so we've spent a good week and a bit at the house without doors that can distinguish between resident and intruder. Thankfully, that was fixed yesterday, so our many pieces of stuff are well and truly safe. We also have a key for alissakalisti, so when she moves in on Friday she will also have doors that distinguish between resident and intruder!
I've been slowly starting to explore my way around the area, and I'm slowly dawning as to why everyone said "lots of good food" as the first thing they mention about Footscray - my god there are a lot of extremely cheap eats that way! And good cheap eats too! It's all delicious and I certainly plan to nom my way through Footscray's many restaurants in good time. I may well have to invite friends to nom with me!
In other news, last weekend me and erinkyan spent a really good, nice weekend together. We'd started on Thursday with our weekly date, stayed around and enjoyed each other's company on Friday and did some Serious Talks about our relationship and stuff, Went out for a drive to Sunshine on Saturday (Why? Why not? Part of our explorings of the surrounds!), then went out to Chains at the night where we did some really intense play, then on Sunday we went to the Chocolate Rush Festival at the Showgrounds, where we partook in chocolate and I bought yummy spices. By the end of the weekend I was really reticent to leave him - it was one of those weekends where you can clearly and honestly say that there was quality time spent, and admittedly we'd not had such an intense weekend in quite a while. It was a wonderful thing to have my relationship batteries recharged in such a way, and now I miss my erinkyan greatly and can't wait until next Thursday to see him again!
Monday I also got a brief opportunity to say hi to my Uncle Bryan, when he took me to lunch down at Crown before his flight to Adelaide. It was actually really nice to sit down and chat with my Uncle without having the parents around (it's not that they interfere or anything, but when I'm at relative's places with my parents it's still kinda hard to break out of the family unit, so I don't tend to engage as actively). We chatted about all manner of things, like theatre, Twitter and Facebook, how our respective workplaces were going, how the politics in Adelaide and Melbourne seem to be very similar (and yet how things seem to happen in Melbourne, and not in Adelaide), etc. etc.
I don't get a lot of moments like that with my Uncle (unfortunately), and I wish I had more of them these days. He's not just a link to my family back home, he's pretty much my first knowledge of queerness. I've never exactly thought of him as a role-model, but I have to admit, if he wasn't in my family I think I'd've had a lot more issues with sexuality than I do. My uncle, just by living his life, and not really that closely to me, showed me that there was nothing wrong with loving men, and it's taken me a while to really understand how fundamental that was to me. So, since I know you're reading Uncle Bryan, thankyou. Thankyou for being you, because you let me be me.
This was originally posted at http://kirby1024.dreamwidth.org/122534.html |
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| Another Attempt at Updating |
[Feb. 10th, 2009|04:49 pm] |
So, it's been quite some time since a life update. To be fair, there's been a few aborted attempts. I'm not sure why I'm finding it so hard to update about my life at the moment - it's not like there's anything terribly stressful, and it's not like there hasn't been much to talk about. Just every time I start writing an update, I start reading what I've written and come to the stunning conclusion that I would never read that shit. It keeps coming out boring and stilted, is always describing the events in my life, but never my reactions to it. I try to add reactions after I describe the events, but that makes it kinda worse - it just feels like I'm adding another boring tag to the end of my boring updates on my life.
And I wonder when that happened. I mean, I've done life updates before, I used to do it all the time, going in-depth about it. But suddenly? I just can't let that stuff go to print.
Ah well. This post should rectify this, and dammit, I intend to finish this one before I leave work!
( My life in words. Well, not all of it, mind, but a bit of it and... oh just click on the link, it's all behind here... )
Well, that update went much better than the last attempts! |
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| Reposted from elsewhere, because I think I need to say it in public. |
[Oct. 12th, 2008|08:47 pm] |
What do I think is love?
To me, love really is a matter of vulnerability. When I lower every guard I have and tell my lover secrets of mine, and they hold those secrets to their heart, that is love. In this way, I guess, I have friends that I love, that I can share my innermost self with, and friends that I don't.
And then there's my lover. I think I share that same love, but it's tempered - I'm always watching what I say, because I never want to disappoint him. I've had breakups before, and so maybe part of this is a fear of not wanting to give myself entirely to him. Or perhaps it's a fear that he'll leave me if he gets too close to my heart and sees what I think I am.
Of course, when I do let him in, he never leaves me. Half the time it leaves me in tears - when I realise that he's just accepted who I am and he's still there, it affects me like nothing else. And I've revealed demons of mine that I'm sure anyone else would need to do some serious soul-searching about. But he didn't. Every neurosis. Every secret. Every demon. He took them all, and then embraced me harder. And the more vulnerable I make myself, the more, I realise, he loves me.
And it's so much effort! To slip past all those defenses, to say what's at the core of my being, to put myself out there, to be denied or accepted, is so incredibly hard. It's terrifying, it's scary, and past history seems to help only a little. But everytime I do it, I get my heart back.
There was a point once where I believed that I would trust my lover with my life, but not my self. These days? I'm not so sure. I have now told my boy things that I have never told another soul, living or dead. I have told him things that I would never admit to myself. I have dredged up the most horrendous memories and shared the terrible things that lay there. He has my self now. I trust him not just with my life, but with my me. |
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| Long time no post |
[Jul. 14th, 2008|05:00 pm] |
So, I've been realising how little I've been posting in LJ, figured I'd quickly rectify that, considering there's been a few big events in the last couple of weeks.
Wedding Weekend!
So, A couple of weekends ago, I had the privelige of going to two weddings in one weekend! It was extremely exciting.
First wedding was Hannah and littlesir's wedding on Saturday night, which quite frankly was absolutely beautiful and brilliant. I'm proud of myself - I didn't cry, although I was close to it at the start of the ceremony. I got called up as a signer for the marriage certificate, which I was quite happy about. There was group singing, a beautiful piece by minxdragon,Hannah's father was the priest... It was honestly the most beautiful and celebratory wedding I have ever been too, and you could just feel it through the entire wedding. You could tell that every step of the wedding was specially chosen to say exactly what they wanted to say. It was a wonderful, fantastic night.
The Sunday was nquisitor and Edmund's wedding, which was a registry office affair, the first registry office wedding I'd ever been too. I have to admit, totally different character to the previous night's wedding, and much more traditional, although just watching the couple, I have to say it's quite clear they made the right choice - you can see the total love in their eyes. Quite spectacular. Also, the Registry offices are so incredibly pretty! I had no idea!
Masquerade Ball!
Last weekend, I went to the Labyrinth Masquerade Ball with not_in_denial, being_bec and laza_burns. We got all dressed up (even bought myself a proper dinner shirt and all), got me a blue & gold mask, basically topped ourselves up to the nines. Alas, no photos, but watch this space - hopefully I'll get a few from some of the other photographers that were around.
To be honest though, the night was not all that impressive, truth be told. We'd all gone expecting a real ball. I mean, the venue was top-notch, and the decorations were really quite good at evoking a great atmosphere... That then got brutally stabbed repeatedly by the music. The music turned what would have been a lovely, classy night out into what was basically a costume party, and really spoiled what we'd wanted to be there for.
There were some good live acts (although the first violin/dance act was absolutely appalling, and went on for what must have been at least 20 minutes or so), including Wendy Rule, who actually did a bit to build up a bit of atmosphere, but the selection of music otherwise was a whole bunch of 80s hits and geek anthems - which is fantastic at a geek party, but was not what I was expecting from a Masquerade Ball. I would have even appreciated more appearances of the Labyrinth soundtrack - but even then, I heard one track for the 4-5 hours I was there.
Still, wasn't a total loss - During Wendy Rule's set I got to dance with not_in_denial, which is the first time ever I've got to dance with him, and to be honest that really made my night. I got that whole romantic looking into his eyes, the whole room vanishing, everything. God I love him. So very, very much.
Also, got the number of an extremely cute art piece boy. I mean, walking around topless in devil body paint (apparently he was one of the art exhibits in the art competition - number 50 if I recall)... just did something for me. Must remember to call him tonight...
Gym Time!
I finally bit the bullet and set myself up at the gym near my work. This morning, in theory anyway, should have been my first session, but that does not appear to have happenned, since I forgot my shoes and my gym shirt. Ah well, better luck tomorrow, I guess!
I'm actually looking forward to it - I quite liked gymming when I was at Monash, I'm sad that I let it lapse (but then, Phone Monkeying did not allow for easy gymming, what with a lack of schedule and all.
Cute Fishies!
In other news, Harry and Larry (the goldfish at work) are choosing today to be especially cute. See?!
( Cut for big piccies of cute fishies ) |
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| 3... 2... 1... and crash-down! |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|12:31 am] |
So, Today I went to my counsellor today. The discussion started with trust issues, and through some divergence managed to reach the circumnstances around me and Lara's breakup. As well as the first few weeks after the rape.
When I got home, I called not_in_denial, and his phone went dead. No problems, move to the computer, talk on Gtalk. Computer dead, network card not responding. After an hour of trying to get the system working, I desperately called his housemate's mobile, and broke down, babbling to him. And then the phone started cutting out, and I completely freaked, because I needed him and everything was stopping me from talking to him.
So, after him calling me back and me babbling that I didn't know whether I wanted him around or not, not_in_denial picked me up. And I'm at his place now.
That was one hell of a trigger. Goddamn. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2008|04:05 pm] |
So, it's probably worth another update.
For those of you not keeping up with not_in_denial's LJ, I'm happy to report that he's out of hospital, in fact has been for quite some time. By the end of his 5-day stay, The doctors were pretty sure it was a Urinary Tract Infection that had spread to his kidneys, which combined with the CFS and fibro. He's back at home on a course of antibiotics, slowly recovering.
So, as for me...
Well, I'm settling in pretty quickly to my job at Carrick, My job, it seems, is mostly being Resource Centre Attendant, which comprises mostly of accepting printer credit from students, resetting passwords, occasionally selling the odd textbook or two, and even more occaisionally going to student's computers and fixing problems for them. All in all, it's a pretty uninteresting job, but I'm enjoy it - There's basically no stress to speak of which is quite good for me, I think.
The last week or so has actually been very quiet at the Resource Centre, so I've been quite bored as it stands. This of course has set my brain cogitating, and reawakening my desires for roleplaying, so I've started going through some old haunts, and joining some new games. It's been fun, actually -I'm remembering why I love roleplaying so! |
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| A rather impressively impressive day. |
[May. 9th, 2008|11:22 pm] |
So, the last couple of weeks or so have been extraordinarily interesting times for me.
I've been intending to get out of my Call Centre job for quite some time, having got thoroughly sick of it months ago. I'd recently got a tip from jaquiej about a job at her work, and I decided to apply. During my trip to Canberra with Erin, The job actually called back, and after the phone interview, I managed to get a final interview.
This encouraged me to provide my Call Centre with my two weeks notice the monday I got back, since the only issue they seemed to have was with the two weeks notice. So, got that out of the way, and the interview got arranged for monday the next week. As it turned out, I didn't get that job (which was a little unfortunate), but they called back seeing if I was interested in another job. They scheduled an interview for Wednesday, which I duly attended, and aced the hell out of the interview. After glowing references from at least nquisitor, They offered me the job today. So, on Monday, I start my new job as Resource Centre attendant at Carrick Institute of Education. Which was good, since today was my last day at UCMS!
Also during this period, not_in_denial and being_bec discovered that the person living across the hall to them was moving out shortly, and their apartment was going to become available shortly. This got my mind cogitating, and I've been considering applying for the apartment, seeing as it's not on the market yet and I could get an easy in if I was lucky. I decided to postpone the position until I knew for certain I got the job, and now that I do, I'm definitely going for it. So, impressive feat number two - I'm moving into my own flat (hopefully).
Of course, today, while highly exuberant, has also been unfortunate. Over the last few days, not_in_denial has been quite sick and in quite a lot of pain. It hadn't been getting better, and today it was apparently agonising, so being_bec took him to the hospital. When I found out about it I naturally got distraught and my Team Leader let me skip the rest of the day, and I raced to the Alfred where he was being treated. I've just gotten back from being with him. The good news is that it looks like not_in_denial will be fine - the doctors think it's probably flu + Urinary tract infection + CFS/ME all interacting to form massive amounts of pain. He's been on fluids and antibiotics, and he seems to be responding reasonably well. He's staying overnight for observation, and the doctor seems to think that he'll be able to be released tomorrow.
But, understandably, I've kinda been a bit fragile today. I've barely been holding it together. It was really not fun watching not_in_denial in so much pain, and watching the doctors put him in even more pain from attempts to find veins and take blood pressure. Also, you know, my boyfriend is sick enough to be in hospital, and obviously that freaks me out, especially considering his past history.
At the moment I think I'm keeping my tears under lock and key - I've nearly lost it a few times, but I haven't felt like I can let it out just yet, not while I was still around Erin. No doubt it's going to flood out at some point, but it looks like right now is apparently not it. At the very least, I hope the tears are kind enough to let me drive home without issue, since I really need to go home and get some sleep (I'm writing this from not_in_denial's place), and I'd rather not tear up while I'm on the roads.
So yeah, that's been my day today. Now, I think, it's time for me to log out and go home. |
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| So, indeed the story goes, I rock. |
[Mar. 5th, 2008|11:07 am] |
There is nothing quite like walking in to your partner's flat, giving him a hug, then handing him the new laptop that you've arranged to get financed for him.
There was much, much squeeage. The hardest part, of course, was not telling him the financing went through whenever I talked to yesterday... |
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